I made corkscrew pasta, tossed it with yellow squash puree, and served with it with the veggies MIXED RIGHT IN! The addition of the veggies TO the pasta was so befuddling to the kids that they ate the pasta, then they ate the veggies. Atha even ate some of the salmon I served as the protein. I was going to get on here and first say something witty about how tricky I am, perhaps I was going to paraphrase RUN DMC, and then I was going to whine for awhile about how I can’t get them to eat protein. But I’m not going to do that.
I’m frustrated. Yeah, frustrated with meal time, yeah yeah yeah. But I’m frustrated because I don’t know how to break through to Genny. Just now, she deliberately stepped on Walter, and then she tore the little library pocket off of one of Atha’s school library books. Of course I was completely upset when she stepped on the baby; she’s been hitting everybody all weekend, but hasn’t stomped anybody yet, that’s a new one. But, just, the sight of that little crumpled library pocket totally sent me over the edge. I don’t know what to do. She can be so impulsive, and I don’t know how to handle this with positive parenting. Or ANY parenting, since yelling doesn’t work, either. Ever since we got the Partial Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum diagnosis- no, since before that! Since we just knew she had a developmental delay, I’ve been asking miscellaneous experts and authority figures, “how do I parent this child?” I mean, I brought one child to adulthood, and he is still living, so I have that going for me. Then Atha came along, and despite a few normal parenting blunders I feel like I’m doing alright with her. She’s awesome.
Genny’s awesome, too, but just- AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! There was an autism seminar that I wanted to go to about visual learning in children with autism. I even signed up for it, but then I had to cancel because the time conflicted with Genny’s school. I couldn’t do both, so I opted for getting her to her special ed. And I don’t know exactly what that would have done for me anyway, autism isn’t even her primary diagnosis. But it was something!
I was worried that she would lose a lot of ground over the summer. She has problems when her routine changes. So I got all these referrals: occupational therapy, speech therapy, and psychotherapy to help with her behavior. Well, we went to the speech therapy twice a week, and now she doesn’t need it anymore. Still going to the occupational therapy, and she’s doing great: drawing representational drawings, and tracing the letters in her name, etc. But the psychotherapy, I think we went three times. It was at county mental health. Each time, the therapist would talk to Genny, then have all of us go hang out in a room. She advocated keeping a schedule, which I guess I could be better with. But the weird thing was we didn’t have set appointments, she would just call me after each appointment to schedule, and then after a few appointments she quit calling me. Right around then, Quinn came to visit, and Summer school started, and Genny was doing great. Now, I have no active referral and no therapy.
I guess I’m going to have to make an appointment with our primary care physician and get a new referral for therapy. What I really wish somebody would to is just to TELL ME HOW TO DO THIS! I don’t know how to parent a child who doesn’t understand consequences, or who’s impulses get the better of her, and who seeks sensation to the extent that she slams her body into things, and yanks on her sister’s hair. She doesn’t understand that she could seriously injure the baby, or her sister, or herSELF. And she doesn’t know how to keep her hands to herself. So at this point, my only option is to never, ever let her touch Walter unless she is being directly supervised, and he is, like, being held. Or, you know, made totally secure. Because she could just strike out at him, and do some serious damage.
This makes me so stressed out, because it means that when they are both home I can’t really do anything else. Such as blogging, or making dinner, or doing school work, or going to the bathroom.
Also, the stress is causing me to snap at the kids, and the tension can’t be good for anybody.
I love them. I love them so much, and I am constantly telling them that. Probably my greatest desire for the kids is that none of them ever doubts that he or she is loved, unconditionally. So I spend a lot of time hugging them, encouraging them, and telling them how much I love them. I also apologize when I screw up. I read to them, cuddle them, laugh with them, and I try to cook healthy food for them. I make sure they get exercise, and brush their teeth and keep them clean. But, I can’t help but feel like I am failing them all somehow.
Anyway, whatever, I’m sick of whine/writing. But this is my blog, and I guess I get to whine when I want to . So there you go. Whining.
And, damn, if anybody has any tips, I am all ears.